Ruin My Life

So life has been insane lately and I can't ever find time to catch up. There have been so many ups and downs. Even as I'm typing this I cannot begin to wrap my mind around all that's been going on. Sometimes I just want to say, "Come on God! Give us a freaking break." I could go into detail about the financial difficulties or the physical problems or my emotional instability, but it really all comes down to the spiritual battles and lessons that God is teaching us through it all. He has been so faithful to hold our hand through this time and guide us in His truth. I have been holding so tightly to the promises in His word and have complete faith that His ways are higher than our ways...and His plans have a purpose.

Isaiah 41:13 "For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you."

"Ruin My Life" is one of my favorite worship songs, but lately I have found it more than just a worship song but rather the cry of my heart.

Woe to me I am unclean
A sinner found in Your presence
I see You seated on Your throne
Exalted, Your glory surrounds You

Now the plans that I have made
Fail to compare, when I see Your glory

Ruin my life the plans that I've made
Ruin desires for my own selfish gain
Destroy the idols that have taken Your place
'Til it's You alone I live for, You alone I live for

I sing worship songs on a daily basis with our youth kids, with the church body on Sunday morning, with my kindergartners as we sing simple church songs, by myself as I jam out in the car, or with my husband, his guitar, and the keyboard at the end of a long day. Worship songs are a daily part of my life, but God has been showing me through these latest trials that worship is more than the words I sing. It's my life. It's those words being lived out through my actions. It's bringing glory and honor to God regardless the circumstance. It's sacrifice. It's praise. It's adoration. It's commitment. It's revering a Holy God. It's standing in awe of our Creator, not just in "worshipful" moments, but all day, everyday.

I've been really thinking about it...when I sing those words, do I mean it? Would I really live out the radical things I sing about? Do I truly believe the biblical truths coming out of my mouth or are they just regurgitated day after day with no meaning? When I sing "ruin my life the plans that I've made" do I really want God to follow through with that prayer? Do I really want all my idols and comforts destroyed?

Romans 12:1 "Therefore, I urge you brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God -this is your spiritual act of worship."

Worship isn't about us, the music, the emotions it stirs up. To truly worship, we must die to ourselves, but what a bold move to make. Am I willing to die to myself to worship the One, True God? At this very moment I say, "Of course! He's more than worthy of my praise!" but my life does not always reflect that worship and adoration and that is where "Ruin My Life" has become the cry of my heart....

I am so undeserving of God's mercy; at my finest moment, my worship is still but "filthy rags"

I am a sinner, saved by the grace of her Father, that has the privilege to be called His child

The glimpse of what I have seen and tasted of the Lord here on earth is incomparable to the majesty and glory I will one day see with my eyes when I walk beside Him

The "important" plans I've made for my life while on earth are nothing compared to the glory of our Savior and the plans He has for all mankind

So I pray that He would ruin my life that I would reflect Him more clearly

That He would rid me of all my selfish ways and greedy ambitions

That He would change my desires and plans for my life to be in line with His will

That He would strip me of all things that cloud my view of Him and destroy anything in my life I have made a god besides Him

So that I live for Him alone!

I continue to cry out to the Lord to change my heart, my mind, my Spirit, to be more obedient to His will and call on my life. I continue to pray that He would ruin my selfish desires and make me more complete in Him. Regardless how bold it seems or how insane the request may be, I want to be a worshiper of my God that doesn't just sing the songs, but "worships in spirit and in truth." (John 4:24) Jacob and I both know there's a price to pay for a life sold-out to Christ and while it's a daily battle, it's so worth it...He's so worth it!!!

James 1:2-4 "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

Hebrews 12:7-10 "Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined, then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. Moreover, we all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirit and live!...God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in His holiness."

"Worship is our response, both personal and corporate, to God for who He is and what He has done, expressed by the things we say and the way we live our lives. Worship is a verb! It's not a passive concept, but rather one we have to chose to involve ourselves in every single moment, of every single day. " -John Piper