So lots has happened in the 3 or so months I haven't updated. Thanksgiving. Christmas. New Years. Valentine's. Tons of youth events. Birthdays. Anniversaries. And the list goes on. Lots of memories stick out to me, but the three that stick out to me the most are:
1) going through a dry, apathetic season in my walk and God drawing me out of it through the blessing of a book called 'One Thousand Gifts' by Ann Voskamp
2) going to our yearly February youth conference, Planet Wisdom, with our teens
3) celebrating 4 years with my wonderful husband
I went through the Holiday season where I should be most thankful as a believer with no joy, no desire, no longing to pursue after my relationship with the Lord. I of course knew this was wrong, but was just in a rut. I prayed through it asking God to change my heart, help me focus on Him, convict me of me sin, refocus my desires and I knew it was a season, but I wanted out of it! I do desire the Lord, I do love Him above all else, I do want to be in constant communion with Him, but for some reason I was just apathetic towards it. Him. The more apathetic I became, the more miserable I was. I am a Sunday school teacher, a pastor's wife, a small group leader, an example of Christ to tons of teens, someone whose supposed to have the scriptural answers or at least seeking them and be able to pray for others when they got through their ruts. I felt like Elijiah on Mount Carmel when he took down the prophets of Baal and "the power of the Lord came upon him" (1 Kings 18:46) and then 3 verses down he "was afraid and ran for his life" when he heard Jezebel was after him. I have the blessing everyday to be surround by His people, to see the power of God at work in their lives, to talk about Christ and then within a matter of a few hours I forget, I lose sight, I turn my back. And then, just like Elijiah, I wait for Him to appear in a powerful wind or an earthquake or fire, something big and obvious. And in His loving faithfulness, He reveals Himself and draws me back to Him through a "gentle whisper." (1 Kings 19:12) My gentle whisper came in the form of a book my sweet friends Jess and Jenn gave me for Christmas called 'One Thousand Gifts.' Boy did it rock my world and allow God to do exactly what I'd been asking of Him...change my heart, refocus my affections of Him and convict me. Boy did it convict me of my sin!
I realized how ungrateful I had become. How deserving I thought I was. How self-reliant I had become. How me focused I was. All resulting in a thankless, selfish, prideful, Christian...opposite of everything I should be as a follower of Christ. I began to see how I'd lost sight of God's provision, His blessings, His gifts and the result of my sin was an apathetic Christian walk. The author's purpose in writing this book was to help the reader really notice and pay attention to the everyday blessings, no matter how small they may seem. He blesses us beyond measure and we so often take those blessings for granted because we feel entitled and somehow "worthy" of them. If we truly give thanks in every circumstance and put gratitude at the forefront of every prayer and thought, it leaves little room for arrogance, pride or apathy.
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."
Philippians 4: 6 "...but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."
Colossians 3:17 "And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him."
When Daniel heard the decree that anyone who prayed to any god or man besides King Darius would be thrown into the lion's den, he wasn't fearful, but instead "went home to his upstairs room where the windows opened towards Jerusalem. Three times a day he got down on his knees and prayed, giving thanks to his God, just as he had done before." (Dan. 6:10)
Jesus knew that it was His Last Supper with His disciples, He knew the man that betrayed Him was sitting in the room partaking of the bread and wine, He knew the fate ahead of Him, but "while they were eating, [He] took bread, gave thanks and broke it..." (Mark 14:22)
Despite their circumstances and the fate of their future, they still gave thanks!! As this book, and its lessons, began to unravel for me, my perspective began to change. I go through my life expecting my day to go as planned and focusing on every little detail. I go, go, go from sun up to sun down complaining and rushing. I serve, I give, I teach, I clean and do it all over again the next day without a glimpse of Jesus Christ in my mind. No wonder I had become miserable and complacent. I wasn't giving thanks for the opportunity to live from sun up to sun down or relax in the midst of a chaotic, fun day or enjoy His bigger, beautiful picture or serve Him or teach His children or give to His people or clean up after His messy children. It's all in the way you look at it...
"Life is dessert -too brief to hurry. Wherever you are, be all there...slow down and taste life, give thanks and see God." ~Ann Voskamp
Her challenge was to do just what the book implies, write out one thousand gifts, no matter how big or small, hard or easy, enjoyable or difficult...and so I begun! And as I focused on my daily blessings, it all began to change. My relationship with the Lord had been revived. My joy had returned. My desires for Him were fulfilled in abundance. And I was oozing with thankfulness for my Father, His love for me and constant pursuit for a relationship with His wandering daughter.
Once I had moved on to a better season in my walk, we started gearing up for our yearly youth conference...a highlight for the teens and leaders alike! If the book hadn't brought about a change in my relationship with the Lord, spending a weekend with teens would have done it :) If our hearts could smile, mine and Jacob's would out of deep joy and pure delight from doing life with these teens!! We truly have the blessing to see God at work constantly in their lives and a weekend away worshiping, laughing, praying, talking, growing only amplifies it. We are so blessed to be in ministry together and have a very large extended family in these teens! We LOVE them!
And then we celebrated 4 years of marriage! I so look forward to many, many more years with my husband God willing. He is my absolute best friend, my protector, my provider, my prayer warrior, my leader, my ministry partner, my life partner! I could never have imagined 4 years ago that God would bring us to this place in our marriage and allowed us to do the things we do or experience the blessings we do. He has been faithful to carry us through and strengthen our love for Him and in return our love for each other. Each day I love my husband more and each year is getting better :)
There have been ups and downs these past few months, but God has been faithful and we are so incredibly blessed!
